I think you're onto something here, but I will admit to getting lost towards the end of your story idea. I felt that something simple and visual was getting complicated. The idea of the production line being a 'prison cell' of repetition and boredom is very visual, but I don't understand where the helium balloon comes in - or how the audience might understand its appearance. I think the lines between the real and the metaphorical are making your story difficult to understand.
I just wonder if you might need to keep things more literal; for example, asking yourself why a toymaker might be put in prison - perhaps because your story takes place in a kingdom where Christmas is forbidden, and your story is about how the toymaker escapes...
In truth, when I look at your words, 'The Toymaker' sounds like some kind of super villain, as in 'The Joker', so I can image why/how 'The Toymaker' might be in prison, and how we might use novelty helium balloons as weapons.
More ideas - if the toymaker was imprisoned in a high-tower, perhaps helium balloons might be part of his escape.
There is something I like too about your toymaker character attaching gifts to balloons so they float off as a delivery mechanism - that feels very magical to me - I can almost see it working as something for NSPCC - so children in abusive homes (prison cells) being reached by hope, courtesy of the toymaker... oh! Like The BFG - who delivers dreams to sleeping children - maybe 'The Toymaker' delivers fun and happiness and joy via helium balloons in the same way, to rescue children from the prison cells of their unhappy family lives...
But what's the story? Hmmm. Maybe it's as simple as 'Once Upon A Time..?
Thank you Phil. I had written my entire script but cut it down for my OGR but am now wondering if I have confused things because you only have half the story! My original idea was centred around a lady who has worked all her life in a Toy Factory making teddy bears. She develops Alzheimers and is no longer able to work, instead becomes imprisoned in her mind.
However in her mind she is still working and believes that daily when the factory bell rings, the balloon arrives at the window and she attaches a teddy bear to it, sending it out to find children who are sad and hurting. So, although, imprisoned, she is content, believing that her world is real. Consequently at the end of her life, her family are sad but they never understood that she was happy in her world. The Alzheimers society use the quote; 'We never think how great a gift it is to think' and this has been part of my influence map!
As always, in your last paragraph you seem to understand completely where I'm tying to get to as you have captured exactly the essence of my story - I will think again as to how I can best tell it!
OGR 23/01/2017
ReplyDeleteHi Jen,
I think you're onto something here, but I will admit to getting lost towards the end of your story idea. I felt that something simple and visual was getting complicated. The idea of the production line being a 'prison cell' of repetition and boredom is very visual, but I don't understand where the helium balloon comes in - or how the audience might understand its appearance. I think the lines between the real and the metaphorical are making your story difficult to understand.
I just wonder if you might need to keep things more literal; for example, asking yourself why a toymaker might be put in prison - perhaps because your story takes place in a kingdom where Christmas is forbidden, and your story is about how the toymaker escapes...
In truth, when I look at your words, 'The Toymaker' sounds like some kind of super villain, as in 'The Joker', so I can image why/how 'The Toymaker' might be in prison, and how we might use novelty helium balloons as weapons.
More ideas - if the toymaker was imprisoned in a high-tower, perhaps helium balloons might be part of his escape.
There is something I like too about your toymaker character attaching gifts to balloons so they float off as a delivery mechanism - that feels very magical to me - I can almost see it working as something for NSPCC - so children in abusive homes (prison cells) being reached by hope, courtesy of the toymaker... oh! Like The BFG - who delivers dreams to sleeping children - maybe 'The Toymaker' delivers fun and happiness and joy via helium balloons in the same way, to rescue children from the prison cells of their unhappy family lives...
But what's the story? Hmmm. Maybe it's as simple as 'Once Upon A Time..?
Thank you Phil. I had written my entire script but cut it down for my OGR but am now wondering if I have confused things because you only have half the story! My original idea was centred around a lady who has worked all her life in a Toy Factory making teddy bears. She develops Alzheimers and is no longer able to work, instead becomes imprisoned in her mind.
DeleteHowever in her mind she is still working and believes that daily when the factory bell rings, the balloon arrives at the window and she attaches a teddy bear to it, sending it out to find children who are sad and hurting. So, although, imprisoned, she is content, believing that her world is real. Consequently at the end of her life, her family are sad but they never understood that she was happy in her world. The Alzheimers society use the quote; 'We never think how great a gift it is to think' and this has been part of my influence map!
As always, in your last paragraph you seem to understand completely where I'm tying to get to as you have captured exactly the essence of my story - I will think again as to how I can best tell it!
Really appreciate your help and advice :)