Just a quick editing tip: at the moment, when the ball drops off the end of the spiral, you leave us looking at the empty frame (the ball has dropped out of sight) and then when we cut to the next view, we see the marble just dropping off the end of the spiral again, which makes this edit clunky: instead, cut from the first scene while the ball is still on screen - so just as it starts to fall (@ about 33 secs); then cut to the second scene when the ball is already falling - so try and match the two shots so we experience the falling ball as one uninterrupted movement across the two shots. You should find this flows much better and blends the edit.
soundwise - watch the mix - I'm finding the music to be very loud, the springs etc to be loud and the voice to be loud - right now the mix is a bit shouty... also, look for other opportunities for diegetic sound design - for example, when the 'spaghetti' grows and then rotates - that rotate feels like it needs a sound signature to push the action - likewise, when it grows again (but look at your framing of this scene - notice how the enlarged spaghetti is touched the outside of the frame - this looks cramped and scruffy - re-jig this shot so there's always a more comfortable sense of placement of the object within the screen).
How about a cheer and a round of applause or similar when the chromosomes complete their balancing act?
Again - look at your composition - when the spindle fibres appear, one chromosome disappears off the top of the screen - this looks messy and out-of-control - always make sure your shots are purposeful and well-balanced in terms of their negative space. Just go back in and tidy these moments up.
Look at the timing of the scene just before the telophase title - the title comes in too early while the narrator is still describing the previous phase.
You're doing well, Jen - but I want you to be completely strict with the quality and finish of everything you're putting on screen. You've got some clunky bits here and elements that don't feel as poised or as professional as they could or should. Roll up your sleeves, look again and make each scene perfect! :)
Just a quick editing tip: at the moment, when the ball drops off the end of the spiral, you leave us looking at the empty frame (the ball has dropped out of sight) and then when we cut to the next view, we see the marble just dropping off the end of the spiral again, which makes this edit clunky: instead, cut from the first scene while the ball is still on screen - so just as it starts to fall (@ about 33 secs); then cut to the second scene when the ball is already falling - so try and match the two shots so we experience the falling ball as one uninterrupted movement across the two shots. You should find this flows much better and blends the edit.
ReplyDeletesoundwise - watch the mix - I'm finding the music to be very loud, the springs etc to be loud and the voice to be loud - right now the mix is a bit shouty... also, look for other opportunities for diegetic sound design - for example, when the 'spaghetti' grows and then rotates - that rotate feels like it needs a sound signature to push the action - likewise, when it grows again (but look at your framing of this scene - notice how the enlarged spaghetti is touched the outside of the frame - this looks cramped and scruffy - re-jig this shot so there's always a more comfortable sense of placement of the object within the screen).
ReplyDeleteHow about a cheer and a round of applause or similar when the chromosomes complete their balancing act?
Again - look at your composition - when the spindle fibres appear, one chromosome disappears off the top of the screen - this looks messy and out-of-control - always make sure your shots are purposeful and well-balanced in terms of their negative space. Just go back in and tidy these moments up.
Look at the timing of the scene just before the telophase title - the title comes in too early while the narrator is still describing the previous phase.
You're doing well, Jen - but I want you to be completely strict with the quality and finish of everything you're putting on screen. You've got some clunky bits here and elements that don't feel as poised or as professional as they could or should. Roll up your sleeves, look again and make each scene perfect! :)
Hi Phil, Thanks for your advice. I'll do my best! :)
ReplyDelete